Are You Blocking Yourself From Healing? 🙅🏼♀️May 11, 2023
Do you feel like you are just surviving right now?
Like, you are living in the grey where everything feels a bit meaningless and drab?
Maybe you thought you would be further along by now or envisioned something more, but you just feel stuck?!
If so, you aren't alone!
There is NOTHING that prepares you for a loved one’s death.
We live in a grief adverse society that denies the experience of grief and avoids the topic of death – so if your knee jerk reaction has been to suppress what you're feeling, slap a smile on your face and continue to carry on. It's ok!
But...proceed with caution!
⚠️ These responses could actually be blocking you from healing, moving forward and living fully again after a loss. ⚠️
There is no right or wrong way to grieve – BUT, I'm sharing my general guidelines to steer you down a more meaningful path below.
Keep reading to see if they apply to you! 👇🏼
How you might actually be blocking yourself from moving forward:
1. You aren’t talking about your loss.
I get it. Sometimes it just feels too painful to talk about. Or, when you finally open up, it seems like no one wants to hear about it!
But here’s the thing…
You NEED a space to talk about your person, your struggle, and your grief – whether it’s with a therapist, coach, family member, friend, or even just journaling about it. (We will be writing about our experience of loss in Grief EXPRESSED!)
You’ve got to find a modality (or a combination of modalities) to process it all.
2. Your grief isn’t being witnessed.
A universal need for ALL grievers is for their grief to be witnessed – for someone else to hold and see them in their pain and struggle.
If you’re holding it all in, there is going to be no one there to witness, validate, or normalize your experience. So you will end up feeling isolated and alone.
It’s hard to break out of a victim mindset when you believe you are the only one who has been handed this type of tragedy.
3. You aren’t feeling it.
We’re biologically programmed to AVOID pain. But in grief, you can't heal what you don't feel.
Suppressing or avoiding your grief is only a short-term strategy. Unprocessed grief manifests in all sorts of ways - digestive issues, body pain, illness, depression and bursts of anger among others consequences.
You have to feel it and move THRU it! (Check out my self-study course to feel & release your grief thru movement).
4. You can’t release the guilt.
Human beings are meaning making machines – your brain wants to figure out why your person died. As you search for someone or something to blame – even yourself – it’s easy to get stuck.
You end up ruminating in stories of guilt which actually prevent you from the healing work, which is grieving!
By working with a therapist or coach, or journaling about your guilty thoughts, you can challenge and release them with compassion.
5. You aren't aware of your old wounds.
Old wounds are often subconscious and can amplify your grief in the present. They include anything like having a narcissistic or emotionally unavailable parent, or experiencing another loss or trauma in childhood. They can be big or small – because trauma is subjective.
Because you were young you might not have fully processed these experiences, so they show up in your current grief and make it feel impossible to navigate.
Understanding your old wounds is key to separating them from your current grief, so that you heal BOTH of those stories separately. (Here is a blog post I wrote to help you understand your old wounds & stories.)
6. You aren't maintaining a connection with your person.
It’s common to think that you need to let go of your person – to close that chapter on your life and disconnect.
But, the reality is that cutting emotional ties with your person only amplifies the pain of the physical void you are already feeling.
Discovering new ways to relate to your person beyond the physical, through prayer, listening to song lyrics, or looking for signs among others, allows you to carry them with you as you move forward.
7. You aren't looking for angles beyond the pain & suffering.
I know – this feels like a stretch! But can you begin to reflect on …
- The way you’ve grown?
- Your inner resilience & strength?
- The way you have adapted to this?
- Your new perspectives on life – like feeling more grateful?
These new themes can help you makes sense of your loss and integrate it in a way that adds meaning and purpose to your life.
Do any of these apply to you? If so, remember it’s not your fault!
The point here isn't to make you wrong -- it's to make you AWARE so that you can change these behaviors and finally move forward with meaning!
If these shifts resonate and you desire gentle guidance to help you apply them as you navigate the unforeseen challenges of rebuilding your life after loss, I invite you to learn more about my year-long metamorphosis through grief – COCOON. 🦋
This is a small inner circle of clients who have access to ALL moveTHRU programs for 50% OFF for an entire year, a private voxer group where I drop in to coach daily (voice messaging app), and a community to hold them through the highs and lows of grief.
- If you desire back-pocket support
- If you believe growth & transformation is possible
- If you want to build something stronger and more beautiful in life after loss
Then I invite you to click the link below to learn more the program and read about my client’s metamorphosis through grief. 👇🏼
My brand new writing immersion Grief EXPRESSED, my signature programs moveTHRUGrief & Grow THRU Grief, and an entirely new program around finding your soul's purpose are all included in this year-long experience -- providing you with multiple modalities for healing and meaning making.
I created COCOON because healing takes time, transformation is slow & subtle; and the clients who I have had the honor of guiding for one year PLUS have the best results!
If you want to learn more about COCOON, I'm happy to set up a discovery call. This is a no pressure space to learn more about each other and explore if we are an aligned fit.
Because time won't heal your wounds ... YOU will!
Sending love & light your way as always,
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