Dating Secrets...🤫Feb 21, 2023
7 DATING SECRETS
Secret 1: It’s not about readiness. It’s about INTENTION.
You might question if you are ready to date? Valid, but not the right question. Readiness encompasses so many factors. So shift the question to What am I ready for? Companionship, intimacy, a casual night out or your next full-blown romance!? This will help you get clear on WHY you are dating in the first place. Are you lonely? To fill a void of intimacy? Whatever the answer is, this clarity helps you create boundaries to protect your heart and access safety as you dive into this unknown territory.
Secret 2: Awkward energy makes for an awkward DATE.
It might feel awkward talking about your loss on a date. Let’s face it, most people don’t know how to holds pace or talk about death! But if you feel broken and insecure about your widow status or story, there’s a chance your date will feel that energy too. The more you can process your loss, accept it, own it and rewrite the narrative on widowhood or “baggage”, you’ll find
that your date or perspective partner will be able to listen and hold that space for you.
Secret 3: Clarity creates CONFIDENCE.
You can’t call in your next soul-level partner, if you don’t know who or what you’re looking for. Understanding compatibility and your “dealbreakers” shifts you into the driver seat so that you are the one doing the choosing (not longing to be chosen). Becoming your own matchmaker starts with knowing yourself. Getting clear on who you are NOW (post-lost)? What matters to this version of you? And how do your needs in desires manifest for a match?
Secret 4: Your past becomes a PATTERN.
The way you connected, showed affection & love, handled conflict and attached to your late partner, will absolutely show up again in your next relationship. Understanding what patterns served and which ones didn’t will help you become the one so that you are a match for the one! Not to mention, understanding your old wounds, triggers and attachment style will help you navigate conflict as it naturally arises, ease communication and create a conscious relationship that is everything you desire!
Secret 5: It’s not about choosing. It’s about holding DUALITY.
As you open your heart to new love, your brain will persuade you to choose. It will try to convince you that if you date or love another man that you are abandoning your late partner. This is not true! Your heart has the capacity to hold love for BOTH. The expansion is a product of the conflicting emotions that arise in dating after a loss. You might feel excitement then sadness; rapture and then rage as you grieve what was while stepping forward into what is.
Secret 6: Opening your heart, means diving deep into GRIEF.
If you find yourself trying to love fully and openly attach to an other…but you feel like there is a wall?! It’s likely because you haven’t ventured deep enough into your grief. When you bypass grief, you also bypass love. Why? Because grief and love are profoundly intertwined. You can’t feel the
abundance, expansion and fullness of love, without feeling the true depths of your loss. Don’t worry, this is a life-long journey of healing that can be done IN relationship!
Secret 7: You don’t need anyone. You are already WHOLE.
Dating from a place of need only creates lack and urgency — which all stem from fear (I'm going to be alone forever!!!)! Of course it’s scary to be on your own, navigating decisions and life by yourself. The fear you feel is because this new terrain is uncertain. The more that you can learn to love your alone time, find empowerment from the inside-out, remember that all of the reasons that your person loved you still exist, and that you don’t need anyone to complete you — you can date from a place of desire. You are enough! Anyone else is a bonus.
Did anything resonate? Do you desire coaching & a community to help you navigate the unforeseen challenges of dating? You can implement these tools & insights along the way by enrolling in my 8-week Love After Loss COURSE and I’ll throw in the workshop FOR FREE. 🎁
Either way I’m here for you!
Grateful to be grieving, healing and loving life with all of you!
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