When your life is a tragic love story 💔

Jul 01, 2022

_{The tears secretly streamed down my face as I sat in the dark theater with my family to watch the Broadway rendition of Moulin Rouge .}

_{As the show’s leading female Satine took her final breath in her lover’s arms, I couldn’t help but think back to my late husband Ian and I lying in his hospital bed together just days before his death.}

_{Absorbed by the lyrics …}

_{Come what may. I will love you until my dying day.}

_{I totally lost it.😭}

_{Ian and I had a tragic love like this.}

_{A wildly romantic, bohemian, abundant, rich love that lifted me up — where eagles fly on a mountain high — and nothing else in the world mattered when I was with him.}

_{Like most tragic twists & turns, his cancer diagnosis only saturated our love story— casting a dark undertone that amplified the joyous moments with contrast, and deepened the reality that nothing is forever by revealing life’s shadows.}

_{The news didn’t stop me from loving him, marrying him and starting a family with him.}

_{Nor did his death stop me from living and loving life!}

_{And herein lies another twist -- a revealing turn in my grief journey.}

_{In the three years since his death, I haven’t really allowed myself to grieve Ian as a person.}

_{Nor our magical connection and transcendent love.}

_{Instead of feeling the pain of these losses, I’ve resorted to quick fixes in attempts to move forward -- to survive. Band-aids like dating and reactive reframes to remind myself that …}

_{I am whole. I don’t need anyone. I can love myself.}

_{All are true AND ... incomplete.}

_{All you need is love!" — The Beatles, Moulin Rouge Medley}

_{Love comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. We can love all sorts of things — different people, places, passions and pursuits. The greek language has 7 different words for love!}

_{Leaning on these definitions, my Enneagram 7 mind that loves to bright-side and seek the silver-lining can easily make the logical argument that I have an abundance of lovein my life!}

_{Yet my heart still tells another story.}

_{"We could be heroes. Forever and ever." — David Bowie, Moulin Rouge Medley}

_{The reality is that my life is truly a tragic love story!}

_{Ian died at the height of one of the best times in our family's life -- two young kids, a new home and a whole new life that we were building together.}

_{His tragic cancer diagnosis and death catapulted me into the hero's journey -- the archetype / narrative where...}

_{First, the hero's ordinary life is disrupted by a call for adventure.}
_{Second, the hero has to overcome ordeals and defeat enemies during their quest, often descending into some form of darkness.}
_{Finally, they return home transformed.}

_{I am the hero who made her triumphant ascent!}

_{I faced the trials of cancer, the struggle of anticipatory grief, the pain of good-bye, the challenges of raising two kids alone and surviving life without him.}

_{I've not only grown tremendously on my return to life, but I've also spun my misfortune into gold by sharing my story and founding moveTHRU to help others heal.}

_{I've turned my pain into purpose.}

_{But this isn't the full story. In many ways, I've bypassed the tragedy of it all ... until now.}

_{"The greatest gift you’ll ever know is to love and to be loved in return"}

_{— David Bowie, Moulin Rouge Medley}

_{This hasn't been a conscious act of avoidance.}

_{It's been a matter of timing and readiness...}

_{Of synchronicity around failed attempts at dating and relationship after Ian's death -- recognizing that band-aids like these only provide temporary relief ... but don’t stop the wound from bleeding.}

_{Of finally realizing that in order to find a transcendent love like I had with Ian, I have to grieve it!}

_{And unlocking layers of grief that continue my hero's journey of decent into new depths of darkness.}

_{I’m continuously surprised by what experiences in my life serve as the keys!}

_{A rite of passage like Izzy’s Kindergarten graduation}

_{A childhood milestone like Theo learning to ride a bike}

_{Simple, day-to-day events like enjoying a favorite food, visiting a familiar place, or listening to a special song.}

_{The Moulin Rouge was the key that unlocked yet another door to open a new room filled with grief.}

_{And I’ve been relishing in it; allowing myself to succumb to the tragedy of it all ... until now.}

_{I chose to spend my 36th birthday alone in solitude last night.}

_{I took a bath.}

_Meditated.

_{Read my book.}

_{Listened to music in a dark room illuminated by candle light.}

_{I remembered. I cried. I cleaned out old wounds that have not been tended to quite yet.}

_{Not because I’ve been intentionally ignoring them — I just hadn’t discovered the key to gain entry.}

_{I’m excited to be at this stage of my healing journey.}

_{I can sit in the darkness of my tragic love story allowing the grief to consume me; and easily access the light because I not only trust that I have an abundance of joy, love and life accessible to me, but I LIVE these glimmers, if not sunbeams of this daily!}

_{This is 36!🥳️}

_{To another year of truth, beauty, freedom and … LOVE!}

_{Thanks for celebrating with me friends!}

_{Love & light (and a hint of darkness now too),}

_Emily

_{PS. Enrollment for my next round of Love After Loss opens today!}

_{If you are ready to invest in your healing, self-discovery, growth and empowerment on your journey to find your next soul-level love (even if that means loving yourself right now!), then I invite you to join us this July!}

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When your life is a tragic love story 💔

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