When your life is a tragic love story 💔

Jul 02, 2022

The tears secretly streamed down my face as I sat in the dark theater with my family to watch the Broadway rendition of Moulin Rouge . 

As the show’s leading female Satine took her final breath in her lover’s arms, I couldn’t help but think back to my late husband Ian and I lying in his hospital bed together just days before his death. 

Absorbed by the lyrics …

Come what may. I will love you until my dying day.  

I totally lost it.😭

Ian and I had a tragic love like this.

A wildly romantic, bohemian, abundant, rich love that lifted me up — where eagles fly on a mountain high  and nothing else in the world mattered when I was with him.  

Like most tragic twists & turns, his cancer diagnosis only saturated our love story— casting a dark undertone that amplified the joyous moments with contrast, and deepened the reality that nothing is forever by revealing life’s shadows.

The news didn’t stop me from loving him, marrying him and starting a family with him.

Nor did his death stop me from living and loving life! 

And herein lies another twist -- a revealing turn in my grief journey. 

In the three years since his death, I haven’t really allowed myself to grieve Ian as a person.

Nor our magical connection and transcendent love.

Instead of feeling the pain of these losses, I’ve resorted to quick fixes in attempts to move forward -- to survive. Band-aids like dating and reactive reframes to remind myself that …

I am whole. I don’t need anyone. I can love myself.  

All are true AND ... incomplete.

 


 

 All you need is love!" — The Beatles, Moulin Rouge Medley

Love comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. We can love all sorts of things — different people, places, passions and pursuits. The greek language has 7 different words for love!  

Leaning on these definitions, my Enneagram 7 mind that loves to bright-side and seek the silver-lining can easily make the logical argument that I have an abundance of lovein my life!

Yet my heart still tells another story. 

 


                
      

 

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